Saturday, 6 June 2015

How to Hack People


Ugh, society. People. Interactions. Wouldn't it be great if we could all just live in caves and speak in grunts again? Sadly, life gets in the way of being unsociable, so I'm just going to have to learn to deal. Like everything though, there are ways to cheat, little buttons to push to make interacting a little easier. So go on, get manipulating.
1. Starting small, make the most of the way people's brains are hardwired, and get them to do things for you. First, start off by saying 'I need your help.' This appeals to people's sense of pride, if they turn you down they feel guilty, whereas if they help you it makes them feel better than you, because you asked them for help. Next, start off by asking for something small, and then follow it by something big. People will be more likely to help with the big thing because they subconsciously recognize that they helped you before, so they must like you. Bam.
2. Nod while you're talking. This is really powerful - not only does it seem like you're speaking the truth, but also it encourages the other person to mimic you. If they do it will tell their brains that they agree.
3. People focus on the emotions you make them feel. When you're speaking, try to invoke positive emotions, because later they won't remember most of the conversation topic, but if it made them feel happy, excited or intrigued they'll remember that they liked talking to you, and will want to talk again.
4. Make your voice (and conversation) interesting.  Be honest, there's always that one person who bores out your earwax whenever they open their mouth. It wouldn't matter if they were telling you that you'd won the lottery, or that there's going to be another Sherlock series before your eye's have rotted out, you'd still tune it all out. If you want to sound interesting, add pauses to break up fast talking, because this communicates nervousness and neediness. Next, vary your tone. This doesn't mean faking any voice breaks, but going higher or lower from time to time makes you sound more interesting, and adds more emotion to your voice. Also,add in lots of sensory details (scenes, smells, sounds) to make them feel like they were in the story, and imagine what you're talking about.
5. Look at people's reactions after a joke. People will instinctively look at the person they feel closest to and agree with in the group, and by working out who people feel closest to you can work out who they leader is. Pretty cool yeh?
6. To deal with someone insulting you, stay calm, and mock them. Never lose your temper, and then you'll seem like you're in control. If you can think of anything to throw them off balance (I don't mean pulling out the rug, fool), use it. It'll put you on top - try complementing their socks.
8. Touch people. Guys, guys, don't freak out. I mean casual contact on arms and shoulders - it creates a bond with people, especially in moments of laughter or excitement. Plus, it's always to get used to casual contact, so you don't ninja out and kill someone if they bash into you on the pavements, or worse, tread on the heel of your shoe. (Those clumsy cretins do exist.)
9. Ask open ended questions. If a conversation is awkward, you don't want the other person shutting you down as soon as you've so desperately come up with something to talk about. Try things like: "Why did you decide to go to -insert holiday destination here-" or "How was it?" You could even go back to infant school, and ask for the best and worst bits of blah blah blah.
10. Make your own fun. This is my own idea, but I think it's absolutely the most important. When you're in an awkward situation you have two choices - either grin and bear it, or make it better. It doesn't matter if you're stuck with people who you don't like in a lesson, or without friends at a party. There's no point getting jealous at other people, so instead make them jealous of you. Talk to the people around you, tell stories, make conversation. You might even find that you like the people after all, and at least it's good practice. If it can't get worse, anything you do will make it better.
So, those are a few little hacks to make society kneel before you  worship you  bearable. There are plenty more out there, I'm sure, but these ones are preeetty useful (*silent scheming*). Also, I wondered if you could help me? Please can you like this post? Thank you! And then, please can you follow this blog. Love you! (Hahahah*)
Until next time 
*YAAS. Hack number one in action... Did it work?